Inner struggle
Do you ever look at the sky, when the sun goes down and try to remember how pretty the clouds are? Do you ever look at them and try to soak up that moment? Are you the only one looking at them? How many out there are looking at the same clouds? Are their thoughts there as well? Imagine the clouds were the sum of the thoughts of the people looking in that direction. Would that be pretty? Have you ever looked at the sky wondering where will you be in a year, looking at the same golden sky painted with pretty clouds? Do they make you think of the past, like pop-ups of random memory, or do they make you dive into the future? Does it get lonely up there, being among those white castles?
It sure gets, it sure gets
It’s been.. Some time. Somehow this year is comedy and a tragedy at the same time. Certain events occured, being directly opposite of one another. I decided to let myself feel both of them on a new level. I used to calibrate reaction based on logic and common sense. But this time i just decided to feel. I close myself too much from my emotions, which makes it hard to express in any form. Two certain events at a certain time. Both ironic, one greets the cold with an end and the other ends the heat with a new bright beginning. I felt genuinely happy and tremendously upset. Both were pure. Both made me realize a lot about life and how such time stamps are far and close, and behind and far in front. It’s like acquiring a new ability. To feel genuinely for something that does not affect or concern you. How it feels? It feels like you are finally free. Free from greed, envy and other awful parts of your mind. To let yourself feel someone elses happiness and sorrow makes you free. Chose to be free
I was looking at some stuff in my room. An old toy that was from an anime i was really into 10 years ago. I found it recently and i don’t know why exactly, but put in on my desk while i was working. I was holding it in my hand when i remembered that moment from Vonnegut’s book “Slaughterhouse 5” about the time. I won’t explain it, since it might be considered a spoiler, still i think the theory about the flow of time is very intriguing. As i am looking at that toy, i noticed that old photo, that stays on one of my shelves. It’s from a friend. He uses to dive and take astonishing underwater pictures. I am observing the photo while holding the toy with the realisation that i hold time itself. I am time at well. The toy is now past, but it is also present and was future as well. The whole flow if time is just happening at the same time. But what how can we unlock this time stream? And should we? Are we dooming us with such action or are we saving us?